


the ways of living and dying

by goodtimings



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Based on a Tumblr Post, Grim Reapers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Goblin (K-drama), Light Angst, M/M, doil, reaper au, will happen eventually.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-01-17 04:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12357474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodtimings/pseuds/goodtimings
Summary: Taeil's reaper goes missing and if curiosity killed the cat then Taeil's dead.





	1. mark's reaper

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Reaper](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/329751) by Tumblr user Jordisstigander. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i'm back at the perfect time - right before exams. enjoy :D ps this chapter is just, explaining nd i lowkey hate it but it's too late to rewrite ahksjdkf

If Taeil learned anything in Geography, it's that there are about 7 billion people in the world.  
(Actually, he had to google that fact but he assumes that it belongs somewhere in the Geography section.)

That means there are 7 billion-something humans living and breathing on a 510 million-something km² planet PLUS reapers. _(That's a grim reaper for everyone, it's like a bad Oprah. **You get one!** You get one! and you get one! We all get one!)_

  
The only thing balancing the population is the ability to create life and death by humans.   
  
  
Okay truthfully, Taeil assumes all of this. Oddly enough there is no All-Knowing power on earth that can explain the phenomenon that is Grim Reapers. Sure, there are books and websites and rumors, but the reliability of those sources is about 1, on a scale of 1000. And half of them go against everything Taeil's ever experienced. Similar to the idea of aliens, many people have spent hours and years attempting to research something they can see but not touch nor speak too.  
  
At the age of 4, Taeil learnt 3 things.

  1. Everyone in the world has a reaper
  2. Only you can see your reaper
  3. The reaper does not talk



  
Whether it be through movies, bedtime stories or hearing parents talking late at night, everyone knows about them. They're on the news, they're the inspiration of fairytales and reddit posts, copious amounts of blogs and terrible twitter handles.   
  
The world relies on the most confusing theory ever, the existence of Reapers. _(Because Humans are stupid - even if Taeil is one himself)_  
  
As baby Taeil _(a real cutie)_ grew up he learned a few other things.

      4. The day your reaper touches you is the moment at which you die  
      5. _"the reaper is not a human, do not give it the power by using human pronouns."_  
  
Last one from his mother, a very unimaginative soul who he continues to love dearly despite it.  
  
The difference between Taeil and the majority of the world is that he's actually  _heard_  his reaper talk. The name bounces off every topic in his brain and yet he's been unable to talk about it after the ridiculous amounts of arguements he'd participated in. Could anybody blame him for being different and wanting to know why?   
Taeil was told his experiences with his own reaper weren't real. His mom had even insisted on therapy because he wouldn't stop talking about it.   
  
_"You can't do this, the reaper is there to take you from this world, it is not something to seek."_

All that his mother tried, Taeil refused to forget. Crisp as ever, he still remembers the name that the reaper had spoken so softly to a 7 year old Taeil.

_Doyoung._

How quickly the word dispersed from the air, as if he was _supposed_ to forget it.

_**Doyoung.** _

The name may aswell have been tattoo'd in neon on Taeil's eyelids, but for his mothers sake he learned to shut up before turning 13.

  
  
And now, fresh off the age of 20 and in his 2nd year of university, he is just another student with normal human experiences. The topic of reapers - despite falling from the lips of everyone around him, did not often leave his own mouth. Whether that made him more suspicious or not, Taeil honestly didn't care. It kept him out of arguements and counsellor sessions so he was happy.  
  
Speaking in a very dramatic tone, Mark Lee rambles on about his own reaper over the phone to Taeil.   
  
Taeil hums at all the right places as Mark explains his sightings through the speaker of his phone. Apparently, he'd been looking after his cousin's child _(who allowed the child to look after another small child??)_ and noticed the specific features of **_it_** across the road.  
  
**_His_** features - that's what Taeil wants to correct the younger boy on.

But he doesn't.

He doesn't because he doesn't want to have that conversation. Because he _refuses_ to have that conversation ever again.  
Even if he trusts Mark with his life, _(ok, overreaction, the boy can't even trust himself with his own life.)_ the younger's experience with reapers most definitely does not require Taeil's confusing thoughts.  
  
Basically everyone refers to their reaper as It so his wording is not exactly uncommon. But reapers are not ' _It',_  Taeil wishes to persuade. This isn't some gruesome horror film about clowns that are actually aliens. Mark's reaper (grim reaper in full) is a he, to put it simply.  
  
Taeil promises he's no meninist, grim reapers come in all genders but he knows Mark's reaper is a he. Likewise for his own. Taeil hasn't seen Mark's reaper, thankfully - if he had he'd probably be dead, but he can tell. Mark explains the features everytime the topic arrises in a hushed tone as if the reaper could hear, _"It has dark brown doe-eyes and is always wearing a damn turtle-neck."_  

How everyone manages to call their reapers as if they're objects shocks him. Sure, it's simply a social thing that one person calls it this and so everyone else follows along, but the reapers dress and have features of a human. It's only fair to address them by human pronouns.

The rule of the world states that every day you'll see your reaper. Apparently the closer it gets, the closer death comes. It's always there, somewhere.

Be it just a flash from the doorway in class, or a couple of seconds behind the store counter you're buying from. It's always watching over you.  
  
Some people have even experienced the nearing of their reaper after picking up smoking or getting cancer. They said that the reaper inches closer and closer each day, rather than swaying from close to near. (Thankfully Taeil has no early death wish.)  
  
And yet, despite it all, no one can fully predict their death.  
  
You'd think with this amazingly supernatural-like aspect to the world, humans would be able to do something with it.

But humans are stupid - as stated earlier, and even if your reaper begins sticking to you like a bad smell, there is no accurate prediction as to when it will touch you, or when death will come for you.  
  
(Please remember that the grim reaper is not going to kill you. It is simply there to escort you elsewhere after your death.)

  
  
"Hyung, I think it's getting _closer,_ " Mark mumbles after a short pause. It's enough to drag Taeil out of his thoughts.  
  
"I- Mark, it'll probably just move back after a few days, it happens all the time, don't worry." Taeil immediately responds, the words spew out of his mouth like he's tried to memorise a speech for years but could never maintain a pace. Mark's reaper can't be getting closer. He's still _so_ young and Taeil's prayed so many times that Mark would simply pass from old age like he deserved. His reaper cannot be getting closer.  
  
Mark's voice sounds a little croaky as he responds, "Ok hyung, I have to go study now. Test coming up... I'll see you tomorrow at the bus stop. 4:15 pm sharp, okay?"  
  
The younger boy sounds so lost all of a sudden and Taeil feels beyond apologetic to end the call here. He can barely squeeze in a, _"Okay, I'll see ya. Stay out of trouble you little rascal, study hard!"_ Before Mark ends the call and Taeil's left in the silence of his apartment.  
He always notices the quietness of his apartment after calling Mark, it makes him feel just a little bit lonely. The feeling lingers shortly before his stomach ruins the mood with a low gurgle ( _would you even call it that?)._

While he searches the fridge his mind wonders elsewhere.  _Do reapers need food?_  
  
The thought of reapers only brings back his conversation with Mark.  
  
  
Mark's reaper can't be getting closer. Not after Taeyong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back nd idk what i'm doinG. I just love the idea of grim reapers and NCT combined (without making it the most angsty thing on this earth,)
> 
> please forgive me for my lack of knowledge and i hope this was readable...,, i hope the next chapter is a lot: better.
> 
> thanks for reading <3 /leave a comment if you have time or send something to my curiouscat.me/b1a4smv :)


	2. long story short

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like this chapter better than the first hfdjskg i might rewrite the first chapter sometime!!

The next morning Taeil wakes up in a cold sweat. The image of Taeyong's still body moves in and out of focus everytime he closes his eyes.  
  
Taeyong is _dead_. Taeil does not need the reminder.

**Mark.**

A second round of sweat coats his forehead as he hurries to find his phone. Mark is _fine_. Taeil knows it because his reaper is not getting closer. The thousands of Reddit posts and articles he's read every night since forever are his reasoning. Reaper's just like to move in and out of distance sometimes. Y'know, to keep everyone on their toes or something.

Taeil selects the younger boy's contact anyway because no human can ever be too sure. Mark picks up after one ring. He releases his breath without knowing he'd held it in the first place.

"H-hyung, I just saw it outside my window." His words are vaguely unclear caused by his bad habit of biting his lip until it bleeds. Taeil can still pick up each word and forces himself to do the same in an attempt to keep calm. Mark's habit bloomed in primary school after his brother's death and no counseling has been able to stop it. Out of his strange ability to connect with people, Taeil couldn't help but pick it up as well.

Understanding one's words and responding are two very different things, Taeil rediscovers. He knows this because all the small Taeil's in his head currently appear to be playing a game of battleships, throwing bombs blindly at one another. "It's okay Mark." _10 points to Reassuring Team Taeil._ But is it? Taeil isn't even sure about anything now. When he eventually hangs up the call and rushes to get ready for his first class, he begs the worries to leave his side for just a moment. _13 points to Worry Team Taeil._

  
A few days pass. Mark meets Taeil at the bus stop each day and Taeil wakes up in a cold sweat every morning, desperately gripping for his phone where Mark's contact is still left on the screen from the night before. By Thursday no amount of aspirin can help the aching headache banging on his skull. He's forced to stumble into History class late, only to rest his head on his books the whole time in a deep sleep.

When his professor shakes him awake after the lesson, he finds himself gasping for air. The face of his professor, worry wrinkles deep and frown intact is enough of a reminder that he needs to sort something out because this can't continue. He doubts that Mark has been able to sleep either, by the calls he receives from Donghyuck every other day. Donghyuck being Mark's closest friend and roommate, had always been able to read Mark from even the tone of his voice or the sound of his footsteps.

  
"T-Taeil, can we not talk about my reaper just- for now? Have you been seeing yours recently?" Mark's tone lowers as he mumbles the words in hopes to disguise what he really wants to say. It's 8 pm on Thursday night, the agreed time for their calls since this month. Mark is well aware of Taeil's muteness around reapers and can't help the ping of guilt he feels for asking a difficult question. However, he can't continue to let the curiosity eat him away. He needed to know Taeil was okay aswell.

Taeil almost immediately responds with a 'Yes', _'Yes'_ to move off from the topic, _'Yes'_ because it's always there. Even if he doesn't see it – him, _he_ has and will always there. Mark makes a confused yet doubtful sound through the phone.

"No, When did you _actually_ last see it?"

The last time.. was it on Sunday? No, but he surely saw it somewhere at school... or was that last week? The silence is enough to answer the question for Mark, meanwhile, Taeil is still trying to sort his thoughts out.

"I'm sure he's busy doing reaper things like rearranging my fate." Taeil jokes, forcing a smile so Mark can hear the words easily. Mark ignores that Taeil didn't answer the question fully just like Taeil ignores the tone of worry in Mark's voice.

"Okay hyung.. Just be careful?"

Taeil grins genuinely this time, "I'll be fine Mark, it's you we have to worry about for now."

Taeil's reaper was just playing tag with Mark's and Taeil had simply been too busy to notice. Right? Who knows what reapers do, whether they have more than one subject's life to follow or not, anything's possible. Taeil is merely a job of the many to come because reapers are immortal and no one knows how long immortality is. It's like saying they live for infinity and beyond (thanks, buzz), it's pretty amazing if they can live for infinity let alone beyond.

  
Much to his dismay Taeil awakes again in a cold sweat the next morning. He could still hear it, Taeyong's gasping breath as he screamed his last word of plead, a plead that Taeil could hear but never find, and Mark's sobs following shortly after, growing closer and closer until Taeil is consumed in darkness once again.

  1. He starts the morning with 2 cups of coffee and Mark Lee on speaker phone, just incase.
  2. He fails to see his reaper once.



_(There was a moment when he swore he saw the familiar black hat but it was just a kid named Johnny who took fashion statements a bit too seriously.)_

 

"He can't just disappear? That's like signing up for a job for babysitting and not showing. T _HAT'S A WHOLE BABY YOU LEFT ALONE!_ " Taeil stresses over the phone to Ten who laughs his ass off. "Go look for him them! He's a reaper, didn't the old tale say if you call the name of your reaper 'he shall appear'?" That's true, although no one knows their reapers even have names so the tale got buried pretty fast.

Ten happens to be the only person Taeil can talk to about reaper things. That being because 1. he studies in psychology so if he was gonna judge Taeil he would've already said he was crazy and 2. He's ridiculously interested in the world of white magic and all those wonderful things. White magic being the 'more selfless use of magic' (says Wikipedia).

Taeil sighs, opting for a half sarcastic, half hopeful favor, "Can you take care of Mark while I disappear off the face of the earth for this weekend?" To which Ten likely rolls his eyes before agreeing dully. "You know I wouldn't let that brat disappear, he's like a step-cousin to me."  
Taeil doesn't find that very convincing and yet here he is on Saturday afternoon, driving out of town without a single clue or plan of attack.

As he taps along to the radio, he wonders how likely it is that his reaper will appear, or if he'll somehow summon a demon also named the same as his reaper. It's that or nothing and by the time Taeil parks his car in the lookout bay he swears to himself that he will not go home with _nothing_ , even if it means summoning a demon.

The wind is like a slap in the face up this high. There's a feeling that high places give people like Taeil, a sense of fear, a sense of safety, a sense of knowing the unknown and forgetting everything else.  
He can only stare out to the busy city, seemingly so far away from where he stands, for so long. His hands grow cold and his bum is utterly numb from sitting on the front of his car like an angsty teenage boy who ran away.  
He considers how long he could stay here before it all went away, the nightmares, the weight that comes with existing so small in a world so big.

 _Your reaper?_ Taeil has to draw his mind back to the task at hand.

Doyoung. _Doyoung._

If he's going to do this he will do this so that the gods above him can hear it too. 

"Doyoung!" He screams, he screams it loudly, 3 times for safety and once more just in case Doyoung had been eating something at the time and had to cover it before he shows up. _Y'know,_ just in case.

Silence.

A few moments pass and Taeil begins to feel like a really stupid human for trying to summon his reaper who shouldn't have gone missing in the first place. _"Doyoung?"_ It passes his lips desperately, fearfully, ripping at his throat until his voice becomes hoarse.

 

 

**_"Please stop yelling, I may be immortal but I have perfectly functioning ears if that's what you were testing."_ **

 

Everything stops in Taeil's head. Everything stops around them. The wind stills, the distant sound of birds silences too.

Doyoung _spoke._

Doyoung spoke for the first time to Taeil since he was so young and all it took was a long stream of yelling.

"Y-you," Taeil can't help but stutter, his eyes going so wide, afraid to blink incase it all is a dream. "You _spoke."_

Doyoung gives him a long stare, it's neither soft nor is it cold, it simply leaves Taeil confused. "I spoke." This is not meant to happen, Reapers don't speak to their cases, reapers don't- _they just don't._

"Taeil, there's a lot you humans don't know about us." He almost smiles as he speaks, like he can read the confusion in Taeil's eyes. His hair is a pale purple beneath the iconic black hat and Taeil can't quite understand why reapers would want to or need to dye their hair.

The shocking thought hits Taeil quickly, _"I'm not dead am I?"_ To which Doyoung shakes his head 'no' before walking closer to Taeil and reaching out his hand. It's pleasing to know he didn't accidentally fall off the cliff with his ghost still sitting on his car hood, but everything that he's known is being re-written infront of his eyes.

Taeil looks at the outstretched hand similar to how a child would look at a celery stick. "I- But- _Death?"_ And once again Doyoung shakes his head, taking in a deep breath as if the action is tiring (probably). Maybe this is why reapers don't interact with humans, Taeil thinks as he takes the hand and finds himself being pulled away.

The world around him stills completely, no amount of blinking can take away the picture-like a panorama surrounding him. He sees Mark, studying on the sofa with Donghyuck on the floor asking him a question probably about History - Taeil can't hear them but he can read lips.

He sees Ten, hastily typing up his late Biology paper with his eyes too close to the screen. No wonder the boy needed glasses.

He even sees his parents, his mother laughing beside his father at the dinner table, the image so clear he can see his yearly school photos framed in the background. It probably lasts moments but it feels like hours before Taeil is drawn back to consciousness only to find himself in a strange looking room.

 

 _ **"Welcome to the tea room."**_ Doyoung recites, messing around with some dishes in the sink.

Taeil can't quite believe he's being _welcomed_ into the tea room of death with his heart very much still beating _(out of his chest)._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! tell me what you think of this idea~<3


	3. time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i clearly love making my character suffer awkward silences. save me i'm so sorry

Taeil takes a step closer to examine the windows of the tea room, painted with colorful pigments similar to a church. Earlier he had been expectant and yet afraid as he’d taken the hand of his reaper, now all he feels is curiosity.

The tea room is not anything all that different and yet it’s nothing you could quite predict. There are small clay cups lining the walls, long slabs of dark wood holding them so orderly and yet the image manages to feel homely. Perhaps it’s the earthy colors of the shiny and patterned clay, neatly coated to prevent any cracks over time. Or it could be the homely plaque placed to the right of the cups.

**_The strong will of a human can change anything._ **

Read in golden letters, as if a reminder to the reapers of their own immortality.

Taeil finds himself glancing at the words for too long, only to be brought back to reality by Doyoung’s soft voice.

“The gods give all of us one of those, I guess you could say it keeps our ego down from thinking we’re above the humans… Not like immortality is that great though.” He mumbles the last words dryly, before placing the last cup back on the shelf.

Taeil can only nod as if the words were fully processed, wide-eyed and still trying to comprehend the fact that he’s with his reaper and they’re talking... And he’s not dead. Still, there's something in the tone of Doyoung's voice that makes him wonder... For someone who has forever, what must an average human's lifespan be like? The reaper doesn't appear to be able to read his mind but he can very clearly read body language - especially when Taeil's own probably screams 'confusion'.

“If you’re wondering, you aren’t in some crazy other dimension, we’re located in the walls of that bricked corner you walk past every morning to College,” Doyoung explains, pointing out the window to the familiar graffitied wall on the opposite side of the street.

Taeil's blink hastily as if he's been caught daydreaming in class. He only now notices the wall covered in text and colors, the one he's spent drunk nights staring at and taking each word into thought. He internally smacks himself for only paying attention to the glass details earlier. Damn him and his inability to take in his environment.

After that there are a few more moments of long silence, Doyoung busies himself with dusting the shelves where there is literally no visible dust and Taeil stares at the taller boys’ shoulders thoughtfully. The reaper is far from what he ever expected even after speaking to him as a child.

Taeil is about to ask Doyoung about what really occurs in the tea room before there’s a sound, a loud crunch as if all the bones in Taeil’s body are made of glass and breaking, echoing in a choir hall. He glances around in fear, eyes switching between his wrists, the blue veins lined up his arm and the blank roof miles above him.  
Doyoung doesn’t appear to hear it. He simply turns to smile timidly at Taeil, so warmly tucked beneath the shadow of his hat that it calms Taeil. The reaper must've sensed Taeil's fear.

(Nevertheless, Taeil finds his breath in the cracks of light reflecting off of Doyoung’s smile.)

Their eyes meet for a moment but Taeil can hardly connect his voice box with his brain. Without time to even think of words, Doyoung turns his head to the door moments before there's a knock. The reaper doesn't speak but without missing a beat he flicks his wrist and the door swings open unceremoniously with a silent gust of wind. When Taeil finally finds the confidence to look up at the visitor, he chokes on his spit.

 

 

  
_"I have to leave again, tonight." The younger boys' pink hair brushes Taeil's chin, Taeyong's wet lips trail kisses along and down the older boys' throat. Taeil tangles his fingers in the soft strands of pink, pressing himself closer to the other._

_"Do you have to?" He rasps, eyes screwed shut as Taeyong moves down, the heat shared between them being the only thing that's constant as of recent._

_Of course he has to, Taeil knows it in the way Taeyong's eyes literally light up as he sprints off into the night, leaving only the fog of his breath._  
_Mark is asleep in the next room._

 _They move with familiarity, messing around since 16 creates some routine between them._  
_It leaves Taeil with swollen lips that he worsens by chewing on them nervously._  
_It leaves his eyes glossed, and his hand gripped tightly onto the door handle of Mark's bedroom._  
_It leaves him alone and full of worry every single time._

 _This particular night should've felt different when Taeil had kissed Taeyong goodbye, but it didn't._  
_Taeyong doesn't return home by the next morning._

 _When his parents call from their family house up north to check up on them, Taeil can't help but feel helpless._  
_Mark's too young and Taeil's the only one around right now, the thought terrifies him. As brothers, Taeyong had looked after Mark for years and when he couldn't it had always been Taeil, although he was usually hanging around anyway. Now, as the only one in the house besides Mark, it feels far too empty._

 _By 5:28 pm that night Taeil's phone is on 5% and all he's done is try to contact Taeyong since 6 am._  
_Earlier, he'd lied to Mark, made up a story about how Taeyong had to leave super early for his job. It wasn't convincing but it helped that Mark was convincable and Taeil had no choice but to close the bedroom door whenever their parents called. His stomach twisted in what felt like 1000 knots as he turned on the 6 pm news._

_Nothing can prepare you for death, it's something Taeil had always known. However, knowing and experiencing are two very, very different things._

_**Dead Body of Teenage Boy Found at 5 am This Morning.** In the bold letters as if it was not news to anyone but him._

_Alongside the headline showed a picture of Taeyong and Taeil with Mark from his phone lock screen, they looked so happy as if time in that moment held no worries._

_There's a feeling Taeil almost wishes he could describe even to this day._

_It's not the grief people explain a funeral as, neither is it the realization that you will never see that person grow up, never see them smile again or explain their day, that is not the initial feeling._  
_The initial feeling feels like your blood is made of ice while your heart is still trying so hard to pump the blood around. The initial feeling is like feeling nothing and somehow managing to feel everything at once without a single coping mechanism to kick in. It is most absolutely before any comprehensive thought of reassurance has entered the brain and it is like hell._  
_Any existence of the voice that tells you, 'Hey, you'll be okay,' before your first exam or the one that reminds you, 'It's just a bad day, not a bad life,' as you lie in bed at night running over all the wrong things you might've done that day, it doesn't exist when it first hits._

_Amongst it Taeil can still remember turning to Mark after a few moments, only to see the worst. If Taeil was everything then Mark was the **everything and more.** Mark, the happiest boy Taeil had always loved like a brother, was a complete and utter wreck, and Taeil as a mess himself felt like the biggest failure while he attempted to tidy up what he could've prevented in the first place._

All it might've taken was some courage. He could've just tugged Taeyong closer that night, begged him to stay just this once. He _should've, could've, would've..._ **But he did not.**

Years passed but unlike time, the guilt did not falter. He forced himself to super glue himself together in hopes he picked up all the right pieces, for himself and for Mark.

And here now, in the earthy house of a reaper, _his reaper's home,_  stood the vibrant pink hair face to face with him, dressed in all black and wearing a brimmed black hat exactly the same as Doyoung.

There stood Lee Taeyong, eyes blossoming with flecks of gold and grey that were never there before. His hair sat just a little bit brighter from what Taeil could see peeking out from the hat.

He stares at Taeil emotionlessly for what feels like hours, his body staunch and Taeil can literally see the wheels turning behind his eyes. Doyoung seems to feel the air and stills for a moment, but he's clearly wishing to move by the excessive amount of blinking he's doing.

 _"Taeyong?"_ Taeil doesn't realize how tender his voice could be until now. Time seems to stretch out forever in front of him, Taeyong's eyes grow wider and everything around them stills.

Familiarity. It washes over the younger boys' face in waves visible even on the exterior.

Taeil recognizes it immediately but finds himself unable to reach out as the world crumbles before him. He doesn't notice for a moment that Doyoung has his hand in a tight grip. Everything he's seen is the last hour seems to unfold before his eyes, out of his grasp.

 

He blinks.

 

He blinks, his lashes barely even fluttering. But it's all gone.

 

Washing back into colour ungratefully, the familiar grey sofa, his laptop still on the coffee table and the voicemail of his home phone replaying Mark's desperate voice. **_"Hyung, please pick up!"_** like a siren. It all comes back into view as if he'd never quite left.

Although he definitely had.

 

Taeyong is still on this earth, Mark is somewhere out there and Taeil isn't completely sure he can ever summon his reaper again.

 

**The surplus of mortal wishes in this world leave no room for seconds, and Taeil's pretty damn sure he's just used up his one chance.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BUT HAS HE lol i'm SO SORRY i just miss taeyong but i promised doyoungxtaeil and you will GET IT I PROMISE, once i sort out the plot of this which is making it seem rlly like a taeilxyong fic pls save me suggest ideas what do you want to happen ????? 
> 
> i love you for reading and i'm so sorry if this chapter is a complete and utter mess i just- exams rn i shall blam e it on that,,,, 
> 
> <3


	4. seeing black

_"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!"_ Mark screams the moment he hears the latch of their dorm click. Although the presence of Taeil isn't the priority, Mark's tense body relaxes with the extra body in the room.

Sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the sofa as a weak attempt to ground himself, Mark rests his head in his hands while Taeil rushes into the dorm's lounge area. Donghyuck paces around the living room almost more restless than Mark and everything is so messy - even for the two.

Firstly, the room is tiny as it is, barely liveable but somehow just right for two teen boys. Donghyuck appears to be pacing for the image rather than to calm himself, because in no way is it possible to calm yourself while dodging the oversized sofa and then having to jump over the small beanbag placed awkwardly in the middle of the entrance - not that there's much space for it to fit elsewhere. Secondly, the cushions Mark treasures dearly are thrown all around the room and there's a broken glass on the coffee table.

Taeil spins on his heels quickly at the sight, heading straight for the kitchen that is not a large distance away, to return with water. "Donghyuck, can you please expand?"

Donghyuck glances at Taeil, it's as if he's not really there in the moment, rather, inside his head trying to make sense of the events that led up to this. "Mark's reaper... _It was in the house,_ I heard him scream from my room and ran in to see it in the corner. I... saw another person's reaper? In our home?" Taeil can't blame either of them for reacting how they did. It's like a really bad maths equation that literally does not make sense in any way. The reapers aren't exactly allowed to enter the homes of their human and the fact that Donghyuck had _seen_ Mark's reaper? It makes Taeil's head hurt so much that he has to sit down.

Why does everything in life happen all at once or not at all?

 **Doyoung.** _Could Doyoung know about Mark's reaper?_ _Could Taeil entering their world really mess up the future and present that much?_

"Mark, I think you should come and live with me for a bit. You know my dorm is only a block away and it would make the daily calls a lot easier.." Taeil suggests the only thing he can think of at the time. It's a temporary solution - depending on how much time they have left in general, whether Mark is dying without an idea of it or whether the laws of the reapers are beginning to grow fuzzy. Either way, it's all that Taeil can pull out and as the only adult, the burden of a solution is heavy. Donghyuck looks like he wants to speak up but as Mark's best friend, safety is more important than anything else. Donghyuck knows it without looking and Taeil is proud once again that Mark has such a reliable friend who would keep him safe no matter what.

"I- Okay." The tone he starts with sounds almost as if Mark wants to disagree, but quickly he bows his head in defeat thinking better and rises to his feet slowly. For once Taeil is grateful for the authority he has and rests his hands on his knees to wipe the sweat off. Yes, surely this will be a good enough solution for the time being, and for the time after that... Taeil will try his best.

 

 

**4:28am.**

Blindingly red, Taeil wakes up gasping, reaching out blindly for the lamp. Beside him Mark's eyes are wide, rimmed red and startled, his lips open unsteadily taking in gasps of air. "Hyung, what's wrong?" Of course, Mark had become such a light sleeper since Taeyong.

Taeil takes a few moments to calm himself before responding, the color of his beige walls softly glowing orange with the lamplight grounds him quicker than usual, probably because there happens to be another distraction lying a few inches away from him.

"Bad dream, it's fine." Honestly, the words come out as if Taeil's brain has gone into overdrive.

He doesn't even have a single thought left, only blankness and a blinking sense of fear, buzzing on and off in the background as he pictures a paper to screw up and throw in his mental bin. Mark throws him an unconvinced expression, his eyes focusing on Taeil with a power that makes even Taeil feel like he's said something wrong. What he said was the truth  _in this world_ and a lie in Taeil's own.

"How long have these been happening? Don't pretend like this is the first time." And Mark is so obviously just trying to care about Taeil, even in the situation he's in he's found selfless, completely innocent.

An overwhelming urge to protect the younger boy fills Taeil, as if Mark is a delicate dandelion. The connotations match him perfectly, something that fills mere mortals with a hope of something, something better in the future, a future in general, to keep them going. Taeil flashes Mark the warmest expression he can pull together and he's shocked at how easy it is nowadays to forget. How easy Taeil can just _pretend_ for everyone else's sake that he has his life sorted when every night he barely sleeps, and when he does it's worse than being staying awake. How easy it is to tighten his expression and pull up the corners of his lips, it's almost as if things really _are_ okay.

If only Taeil could trick himself. Without noticing, the stitches he made to hide his difference, his memories with the reapers, have been slowly unravelling in the background. It's a shame the skin never healed over like it should have.

 

In the morning where the sun is up and shining brightly through the cracks of his curtains, Taeil can safely say he slept better than usual. The realisation that there was someone else - actually right there in front of his eyes, who _cared about him_ was ridiculously relieving that Taeil kinda wishes he'd made Mark stay with him sooner.

To his left, the bed is vaguely dishevelled but definitely empty. He can hear Mark banging around in the kitchen probably trying to locate the cooking utensils and finds it oddly comforting. As Taeil leans out of his bed to pull the curtains that really aren't doing anything to keep out the sun, a shrill scream followed by a heavy and equally as loud thud shakes Taeil abruptly awake into reality. The soft warmth of the sun shines in all at once with the curtains now pulled and Taeil's eyes struggle to adjust while he blindly and clumsily falls out of bed.

Scrambling to his feet, he enters the kitchen of his dorm with wide eyes, sight spotted slightly with black and red-blue neon but generally returned to his 20/19 vision. With his mouth agape, Mark stares frozen at his reaper stood in the doorway of the living room. Surrounding him are utensils and a large pot which assumably fell when Mark did the _'drop everything and freeze'_ which he usually does when frightened. Taeil first glances at Mark and then back at the dark figure in the doorway. And then back to Mark and then back to the reaper.

 _Taeil could see Mark's Reaper now?_  
The warm brown eyes that Mark had described as _the color of black coffee,_ the soft rounded nose Mark had always got caught up describing, the dusty brown hair sitting soft and fluffy on the reapers head. Taeil's eyes widen in shock.

The reaper turns his head to Taeil with the tilt of a head, something like confusion swirls in the depths of his eyes before he disappears into thin air. **Gone.**

~~_(Sometimes Taeil wishes he too, could disappear into thin air in awkward situations.)_ ~~

Mark's hand quivers as he slowly raises it to his head. "T-Taeil, m-my reaper, h-"

 _I seen him._ "I know." And that's all Taeil says before wrapping the younger in his arms quietly. Mark doesn't ask questions, Mark never asks Taeil questions he knows will not be answered. Mark is too good for the world, Taeil is beginning to realise in a new light.

 

 

"Wait okay, so you _saw????_ YouR ** REAPER?????** AND **TOUCHED?** HIS?  HAND? TAEIL YOU REALLY GOTTA KEEP ME UPDATED FASTER HOWA RE YOU _ALIVE_ WAIT ARE YOU DEAD AND I'M FINALLY GETTING ALL THE BAD KARMA FOR MESSING WITH MAGIC OH MYGOD I AM SO SORRY I NEVER TOLD YOU I STOLE YOUR LAPTOP CHARGER LAST YEAR AND FORGOT TO GIVE IT BACK MY KARMA JUST GETS WORSE." Ten wails, gripping Taeil by the shoulders and dramatically sobbing into his shoulder.

"I'm alive dumbass, and you owe me 50 for that charger." Taeil deadpans, smiling slightly as Ten regains whatever dignity he had left. His lips form an 'O' shape as he quietly pouts.

"Oh, and you can probably see Mark's reaper now because you touched a reapers hand." The 'normal' Ten returns quicker than Taeil's facade's could ever. It's now his turn to gape, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Although there's not actually been anyone who lived after touching their reaper, there are Reddit posts and I clearly recall someone explaining this. Once you touch your reaper and live, you will be able to see other people's reapers? Yeah." The younger says it so calmly, casually as if they were discussing pizza toppings but Taeil's just realised he might've gotten himself into something he's not quite ready for. Not that he ever would be.

The sound of Ten humming and typing away on his laptop seems to go in one ear and out the next as Taeil processes the new information. He needs to talk to Doyoung about this _now,_ even if he's still absolutely and completely lost about how to contact his reaper. Who hadn't really been showing up at all today.  
_(Great,_ Taeil thinks. _Now he can see everyone's reaper except his own.)_

 

And there's still one thing missing completely from the puzzle. If the reaper, the strange behaviour, events of That day and so forth are the puzzle pieces laid out so jumbled and similar that it would take hours to get even a start - this piece isn't even in the package. In the beginning, you might not even notice it's absence but at the end, it could just be the piece that drives you insane if you don't find it.

Once Mark had left for his room to begin packing a bag the night of the first 'Home-Invasion', Donghyuck had pulled Taeil to the side quietly. His eyes are pleading before he's even spoken, brown irises specked with gold and fear.

 

_"T-Taeil, Mark's reaper... **He looks like me."**_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry i love writing this story so much and i'm still deciding on my writing style that the plot isn't going as fast as i planned.  
> i have a plan this time tho!! but it may take abit longer for the doil and i hope y'all are still kinda liking this stuff T_T
> 
> i love u guys thanks for reading!! ♥️


	5. everywhere is darker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> black was once a a simple color to taeil. now it isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for the wait.

The sun is shining brightly this morning, attempting somewhat furiously to warm Taeil's cold and dejected soul. Despite it all, Taeil wishes nothing more than to brush off his entire existence.

Last night the usual routine of no sleep had unceremoniously returned. This time worry was replaced with the ten thousand-something thoughts that were trying to make sense of Ten's words. His brain did not shut down even once. 

 Beside him, Mark had lay tossing and turning as the embodiment of Taeil every other night, worry and fear etched into his sleeping features. When the alarm went off at 6:48 am the younger had sleepily told Taeil about the nightmare filled with reapers and Taeyong. Taeil thinks it's possible that his bed is cursed with bad dreams.

"Hyung I'll see you later then? Once you finish your morning classes call me... Just in case anything... Happens." Mark attempts to smile as if he's the adult and looking after Taeil.

Taeil nods, plastering on a quick smile and ruffling the boy's hair on the way out the door. Although the younger is trying so hard to show he's not afraid, it's obvious. He didn't even have class until 8 am but Mark still woke up to Taeil's alarm. His eyebags are beginning to be as impressive as Taeil's own which is both amusing and terribly sad.

He wishes Mark would not have to worry anymore. The wish goes unheard by the Gods or Reapers or whatever higher power there may be. The moment Taeil steps foot into the gates of his college things get 11 times more worrisome.

 

Either Taeil is so sleep deprived he's become delusional - or, Ten was right. Once you touch a reapers hand and live... You can really see... Everyone. The short trips between Taeil's apartment and Mark's dorm hadn't really made it obvious. It's not like wearing all black was uncommon with today's fashion and their homes are barely a block apart.

 But now... really _seeing **everyone's**_  reaper, it felt like another world. He glances over to his junior Jaehyun, only to notice the dark figure standing calmly by a tree behind him. Across from Jaehyun sits the Anime enthusiast Yuta, chatting happily to his friend Sicheng. The two don't even notice that their reapers are casually talking on the benches out of their sight. It's overwhelming, to say the least. Between the patches of color that represents the youth of College, so many figures dressed in black stand everywhere else to fill in the gaps. Suddenly the world is 7 billion times more populated through Taeil's eyes.

 

"Hyung, what are you standing around for?" Taeil hadn't even heard Ten approach him. He glances at the heeled boots that the younger sports, realising the loud click they would have had to make on the paved courtyard. First insane, now deaf. Great, Taeil's really making a mess of himself.

 "So because I touched my reaper's hand I can now see everyone's reaper," Taeil states mostly to himself, ignoring the younger boys' question. He stares blankly at the space beside Ten's head while Ten nods slowly, eyes wide and listening. "Yesterday I saw Mark's reaper in my living room and the day beforehand, Mark's roommate Donghyuck saw Mark's reaper in their dorm. How?" Saying it out loud made some more puzzle pieces slot into place while everything else got jumbled even more. Donghyuck can't have touched his reaper and lived as well? 

"Well, that was a confusing phrase. You know you should really start listening to me when I talk about magic, like, I'm really smart and I've already explained this once to you befor-" Ten rambles before pausing at the sharp and somehow dull glare Taeil sends him.

With a huff, Ten continues with crossed arms. "Do you know why reapers can't enter the living space of their subjects?" Taeil doesn't know and the blank expression he's showing Ten is enough of an answer.

"Once a reaper enters the living space of their subject they become visible to anyone else in that space." And suddenly it makes sense. Much more sense than Taeil's theory about Donghyuck touching his reaper and living.

 

Taeil's mental guide to Reapers is ripped apart four ways. He takes out a pen and begins rewriting.

 

**Section 17. ii: Seeing a reaper.**

  1.  You will see your own reaper every day of your life.
  2. On the off chance that you live after touching your reaper, you will be able to see all reapers at once.
  3. If a reaper enters your house they become visible *thus why it is forbidden for a reaper to enter a humans' house*



 

"Dude, we're the only ones still standing around. The bell went ages ago, C'mon, you know Mrs Kim hates late students." Ten whines, tugging for Taeil to move along. Taeil looks around at his surroundings for the first time after dazing out.

 

 _We're the only living ones,_ Taeil thinks numbly as he allows himself be dragged away.

 

 

They get a detention as predicted. Honestly, Taeil had thought detentions only existed in High School but Mrs Kim did not come to play and today she seemed extra intense. So Taeil walks home later than he usually would, hoping that Mark is already home.

The walk is more exhausting than it had been earlier this morning. In the morning his mind had been so fogged with thoughts and sleep deprivation that the color neon yellow would've looked black at a passing glance. Now, it was as if the color traits were swapped.

Everywhere he walked stood dark figures, some in hats and some not, but he could not ignore it when an old man rushed down the street dressed in all black. He'd finally found the nerve test if the reapers would pass through him until the man had knocked harshly into his shoulder, muttering a swear word before rushing off.

Taeil's mind was a mess.

 _How was he supposed to be a decent human being now?_ Opening doors or stepping out of the way was part of his nature. But he'd look like a mad man opening doors for a soul no one else can see. He would never know when to or when not to show respect if dressing in all black for funerals or fashion continued.

And of course, when Johnny had arrived at the gates to pick Ten up Taeil had almost screamed. The tall boy still had not given up on his own all black outfits topped off with a black hat. What was he playing at with Ten as his boyfriend and all? Maybe they had some weird cosplay thing going on, magic dude and reaper or what.

 

 _Whatever._ It isn't fair and Taeil releases all the tension and breath he was holding in as he caught sight of his apartment. Home. Home where no reapers enter except his own and Marks'. Sigh.

 

His mother used to say one should never count their eggs before they hatched. It was a brutal phrase considering it implied that some chickens might have passed away (or something). If only Taeil could've remembered the memory in this moment. When Taeil opens the door of his apartment, the lights are on indicating that Mark was home safe like he'd promised over their call at lunch. His eyes next fall upon a pair of blank, soft eyes. 

Pink hair styled in a way Taeil hadn't seen before. In another time he might've swooned at the image, but now it was the last thing on his mind. Without his hat, he looked a little more boyish and young like he had when he'd left Taeil. The fitted black shirt, black pants tailored to fit so perfectly it could only be an act of the devil. Black coat swallowing the younger boy- the reapers body. Black black blackblack. Everything was black now, except the ivory skin tone that had gotten even lighter over time and the pink hair that stood out ridiculously. Lee Taeyong was still on this earth. Taeil would love to say that he forgot.

 "I'm getting too old for this," Taeil speaks monotonously, throwing his bag on the floor and rubbing his hands over his face as if to rub the exhaustion away. 

_Mark._

Cautiously, Taeil glances at his bedroom door. The light is on and in the silence of his living room, he could hear what sounded like headphones blaring EXO's "Call Me Baby". 

 "I saw you coming, I just arrived," Taeyong speaks for the first time, his voice sounds the same, if not a little deeper. Taeil wonders if reapers continue experiencing life, if their hair grows or if their hands ever get dry like a human - even though there ageing is nonexistent. He wonders these very human thoughts to cope. To pretend like it's not really _him_ experiencing this but rather a character in a drama.  He'd watch it.

 That means Mark hadn't seen _**him**_ , and he wouldn't hear him either if the music continues to blare that loudly. Taeil grimaces thinking about the future and how they younger will probably lose his hearing sooner or later.

There's a long silence where Taeil just nods as if he understands and wishes he could fall asleep even though it's barely 4. He still has an evening class later. 

"Why are you here?" Finally, Taeil breaks the silence. The question had been sitting on his tongue until it got too sour. 

Taeyong's head shoots up from where he'd been fiddling with his fingers, his mouth opening slightly as if he had words to say. "I w-wanted to talk." The reaper appears to be struggling with words now that they actually are talking.

Taeil thrums his fingers on the table and diverts his gaze before he speaks, "Then talk."

The air is stifling now.  
Talking, talking. Talking ruins everything and by everything he means it ruins his facade. 

Taeyong takes a deep breath before everything is let go. "I want to tell you everything that happened from start to end but I don't have much time because Doyoung-hyung will probably notice I'm not doing my job when he returns to the tea room soon so I have to keep it short but Taeil I really never meant to hurt you." Taeyong pleads, his words spoken so rushed it comes out in a jumble that Taeil is forced to dissect. His eyes are so guilty and his expression looks tight as if it could crumble any moment now. 

Taeil knows this is wrong. Even if he knows it,  his stupid human empathy clearly doesn't, leaves his hands itching to hug the younger boy. The Reaper.

 "A-all of this happened because of my own mistake-" Taeyong continues, the rims around his eyes are red. Taeil can't handle this anymore.

"Taeyong-" He interrupts, moving out of his seat where he'd watched Taeyong's standing figure go from blank to crumbling inside itself. Before he can reach the reaper, a soft ripple in the air pauses his actions.

 Humans are stupid in many senses, but one thing most are gifted with is the ability to sense. It's how we protect ourselves from alleyways at night. It's in the way we hover over pencils and pens until the perfect one calls out. It's part of our existence and survival.

Although Taeil does not hear Doyoung, he immediately senses the fabrication of his reaper in the way the air changed without really changing. Any other person might not even notice how much the line between human and reaper was beginning to blur, but Taeil noticed.

He blinks. When his eyes reopen he sees Doyoung striding across the living room to grip onto Taeyong's arm and then-

 

_**Gone.** _

Just like that Taeyong was gone again, Doyoung was gone again, there wasn't even proof they'd ever been there in the first place. Taeil has a headache and it's only 4 something pm. Time feels still for a long moment.

 

"Hyung, you're home?" Mark pokes his head out of Taeil's bedroom, a headphone held in one hand while the other blares "Really Really" like it has a purpose to be that loud. Taeil sighs a grateful breath, plastering on a calm smile as he faces Mark. Mark who breaks suffocating silences with just his kind voice. Mark who might just go deaf but it's endearing - somehow.

"I got home a few minutes ago. How do you deal with your headphones that loud? What if there was a fire??" Taeil jokes, walking over to where he had plonked his bag on the floor. Mark shrugs, ripping out the headphones completely and stepping into the living room. His eye bags are deeper which makes no sense because it's still daytime.

 "I need a glass of water, I feel like there's an angry cat in my throat trying to scratch it's way out." Mark groans, croaking slightly as his bare feet pad over the kitchen tiles. Taeil follows his every move, worrying that the boy could be getting sick from exhaustion. "Take an aspirin while you're at it," Taeil advises, while Mark hums in return and opens the fridge for no apparent reason. He's going through puberty so he's probably always hungry. Or something.

 

It seems that Doyoung has lost all his human sense and immortal senses. Which is ridiculous considering Taeyong was very discreet about his visit but Doyoung? Well.

The boy appears literally out of thin air and Taeil doesn't really understand how his brain is processing the absurdity of it all.

Taeil's eyes widen in fear. The reaper glances over at Taeil first, before noticing the younger body in the room at a speed that feels too slow. The panic in his expression is absolutely ridiculous and it's the first time Taeil has seen a reaper so uncomposed. That's his own reaper that he's had for all his life. Panicking, comically.

"Hyung I think you need to go grocery shopping again," Mark states, poking his head out from the fridge. He least expects to see Taeil furiously motioning to the right with his hands and his face. When Mark turns his head further he notices the extra body in the house.  
Dressed in all black.

 

 **Black,** Mark is sick of it. 

He sees **black** before he sleeps, he sees **black** in his dreams, he sees **black** as he falls and the darkness consumes him. 

 

**Black.**

_**Everything is black.** _

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! firstly i wanna thank my sweetheart tiff (@DHYUCK00 on twt)!!! she helped so much with the plot i love her!!!!!!!!!! anyways there is more to come so much more what am i doing, this fic is partially my guilty pleasure kinda thing so i will milk it lmao. 
> 
> thank you for reading! i love you all have a great day! if you see any errors please point them out idk why i always edit when i'm tired.


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